i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
