I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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