worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
