it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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