i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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