For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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