Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
