Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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