I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize