We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
