They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
