I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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