So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize