You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
