The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
