Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
