Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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