why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize