They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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