We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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