So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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