i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
