peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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