Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
