I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
whose parrot is this?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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