The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
