I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
