Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
