i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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