How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
