Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize