i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
