I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he fucked my hip out of place.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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