some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
