Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
