Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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