I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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