it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
