dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
