i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
