Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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