I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
