I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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