Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
