You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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