people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
