I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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