Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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