he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
