remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize