Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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