so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
