I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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