You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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