If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
