I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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