I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
