my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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