That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
it hurts more in the daytime
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
