bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
