Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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