happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think your dad took our porno
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
