Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
