you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
