My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Randomize
