I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
