I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
