I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
