I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
