remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
