He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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