We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
