I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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