i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
