Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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