I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
