i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
