Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
