I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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