Are we in a gay sports bar?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
