How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm like, not good at living.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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