Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
