I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
