fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
