If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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