So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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