my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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