all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
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