They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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