When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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