I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
