i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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