u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
