Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize