normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
