No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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