: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
