he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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