We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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