i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
