dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
