i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
