eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
