Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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