i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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