State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
