worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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