Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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