ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
