Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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